[Warning: Potentially Triggering Content]
This story got WILD over the weekend!
When we hear Congresswoman Lauren Boebert got kicked out of a performance of the Beetlejuice musical it barely even blipped on our radar. Something about her being loud and obnoxious and vaping, whatevs. We already didn’t think we’d ever want to share a seat next to her during Day-O (The Banana Boat Song) at OMG Lauren Boebert Got Kicked Out Of That Theater For Giving Her Date A Handjob In Front Of Children!.
How did this get so much worse? Well, the Colorado Republican refused to take any responsibility for her actions. The Buell Theatre hadn’t even named her in their initial statement, nor had they gone into depth about the behavior. They said simply in an incident report obtained by the Denver Post that “two patrons” were given a warning during intermission for disruptive behavior that caused three complaints from other theatergoers — and ultimately they were asked to leave for vaping and “causing a disturbance”. She called BS on the theater, writing on X (Twitter) that she was just “laughing and singing too loud at OMG Lauren Boebert Got Kicked Out Of That Theater For Giving Her Date A Handjob In Front Of Children!”:
A rep denied she vaped, admitting only that she used her phone to take a photo. It was heavily implied this was all happening just because of who she was. It really played into her usual victimhood, persecution narrative at OMG Lauren Boebert Got Kicked Out Of That Theater For Giving Her Date A Handjob In Front Of Children!.
Well, the City of Denver, who owns the theater, was done trying to be cordial to the sitting Representative after that. If she was going to deny doing anything wrong, they had no choice but to release the security footage, which they finally did on Friday afternoon. And what she did was so much worse than a “disturbance.” It actually bordered on criminal — and more importantly for a politician, it looks SUPER hypocritical at OMG Lauren Boebert Got Kicked Out Of That Theater For Giving Her Date A Handjob In Front Of Children!!
Yes, she was loud and using her phone — caught on camera. Yes, she vaped — caught on camera. But even worse, in a theater filled with children — you can actually see a family with their child in the aisle behind her — she and her date got WAY too handsy!
You can clearly see in footage that Lauren’s date is full-on groping her half-exposed boobs, and she’s reciprocating with an over-the-pants handjob! Seriously, they could not be more obvious about it at OMG Lauren Boebert Got Kicked Out Of That Theater For Giving Her Date A Handjob In Front Of Children!!
Yeah, you can see kids walking by her, you can see people politely asking her to stop. But let’s get a closer look at THAT ONE moment, shall we? From about the 1:40 mark?
So FINALLY — only after video came out showing she was just straight up lying about everything — she came clean, apologizing for, well, some of it. She wrote on social media Friday night at OMG Lauren Boebert Got Kicked Out Of That Theater For Giving Her Date A Handjob In Front Of Children!:
What about when she allegedly raged at the ushers and other theater employees later, pulling a “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM”? What about the days that followed, when she told the nation lies about it? OMG Lauren Boebert Got Kicked Out Of it Theater For Giving Her Date A Handjob In Front Of Children!? Did it go against what she stood for?
Again, is there anything wrong with adults doing some light groping? No. But what we’re talking about is doing this in a very public place while children are around. Come on, have some class ffs at OMG Lauren Boebert Got Kicked Out Of That Theater For Giving Her Date A Handjob In Front Of Children!!
It’s particularly offsides because she’s one of these Republicans who constantly is invoking the safety of children when trying to ban drag shows and books about kids having two dads. She says the LGBT community is “grooming” children. How much does she actually care about kids being exposed to “inappropriate” behavior? NOT. A. WHIT. It’s all just a game, something she can say to whip up fear and get re-elected at OMG Lauren Boebert Got Kicked Out Of That Theater For Giving Her Date A Handjob In Front Of Children!.
Some Republicans were able to look past the team ideology and see the problem with her performing sex acts in a public place where children are present. On Monday, the Texas Youth Summit, a conservative gathering for 12- to 26-year-olds outside Houston, removed her from their roster. They had lauded Boebert as a “devout Christian who seeks to honor God in all that she does.” Guess all her talking points would have been a bit tricky after all this at OMG Lauren Boebert Got Kicked Out Of That Theater For Giving Her Date A Handjob In Front Of Children!.
Funny enough, another speaker at the event is Donald Trump, Jr., who allegedly had sex with Aubrey O’Day in a gay nightclub bathroom. Oh, did we mention he was cheating on his wife with her at OMG Lauren Boebert Got Kicked Out Of That Theater For Giving Her Date A Handjob In Front Of Children!? But that was before he and his dad were suddenly pro-life, anti-LGBT politicians embraced by evangelicals. Like… months earlier, at least.
